Ever since my husband and I seriously started talking about having children, the plan has always been to have two, with the possibility of a third if the first two were the same gender. He really wanted a boy, and I had always hoped for a girl. Now that we have two boys, I find that I don’t have a strong desire for a girl anymore—boys are so much fun! However, I sometimes wonder if I might miss out on a unique and important relationship by not having a daughter. I talk to my mom frequently, whereas my brother rarely talks to her. Many women describe their mothers as their best friends, a bond that’s not often echoed by sons, even by so-called momma’s boys.
Lately, I’ve felt like there’s a missing piece in my life, and I’ve been yearning for another baby. Here are some of my thoughts, both for and against the idea, which might help me sort out this ongoing debate in my mind.
Against: Middle Child Syndrome
My younger son, who is still very much my baby at three, would probably feel devastated if a new baby came along. He loves to be carried, snuggled, and have things done for him, enjoying being the center of attention. My oldest is comfortable in his big brother role and enjoys helping out. Introducing a third child might turn my middle one into the stereotypical “middle child,” feeling left out and struggling to find his place.
Against: Disrupting the Sibling Bond
My two boys have an incredible bond, partly because they only have each other. When they fight, they’re forced to make up quickly because they would rather play together than stay mad. A third child might change that dynamic, giving them the option to exclude each other rather than work through conflicts.
Pro: A Chance to Do Things Differently
I’m in a unique position to keep a baby home with me all day, meaning no pumping would be necessary, and I could nurse full-time. This is something I’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t manage with my older boys. It feels like a second chance to do things the way I’ve always desired.
Pro: Feeling Capable
Many mothers I know seem overwhelmed all the time. While I recognize that parenting has its challenges, I don’t feel that way. I feel like I’ve got a handle on things, and I don’t find parenting as difficult as others might describe. Adding another child doesn’t feel as daunting when you’re confident in your ability to manage.
Against: Fear of Overwhelm
Despite feeling capable, there’s a real concern that adding a baby to the mix could push me over the edge. Right now, life with a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old is manageable, even enjoyable. But a newborn means sleepless nights and more demands, which could lead to me feeling grumpy and overwhelmed. I remember disliking the baby phase and feeling immense relief when each of my boys turned two.
Pro: My Oldest Would Shine as a Big Brother
My oldest is already a fantastic big brother, and I have no doubt he would excel in that role again. Sometimes, I think I’d have eight kids if I only considered how wonderful he is at helping and loving his younger brother.
Pro: More Love, More Family
The idea of having a larger family appeals to me. I love the idea of more people to share life with, more love and warmth around the dinner table during holidays, and more family to support each other as we age.
Against: Vision of the Future
I often hear people suggest imagining your future holiday dinners when deciding on family size. This image changes for me. With a third child, I imagine cozy family dinners at home, surrounded by kids, their spouses, and grandkids. But with just two, I see us being able to take more adventurous family vacations, like a week of skiing together over the holidays. It’s a different kind of joy, but one I value nonetheless.
Against: Starting Over
We’re past the hardest years of parenting, and things are becoming easier. Do I really want to start over with the sleepless nights, diaper changes, and the intense demands of a newborn?
Against: My Health and Fitness
At 39, I’ve made significant progress in my fitness and health, and I love the way I look and feel. I’m in better shape now than before I had kids, and the idea of a new pregnancy and postpartum body changes is scary. I’m not sure I want to risk the progress I’ve made.
Conclusion: Choosing to Stay With Two
After weighing all the pros and cons, I’ve decided to stick with two children. While the idea of a third child is tempting and the thought of more love and connection is appealing, the reality of our current life feels balanced and fulfilling. Our boys have a strong bond, and introducing a third might disrupt that closeness. I also cherish the freedom and ease we’re beginning to enjoy as a family, as well as the personal progress I’ve made with my health and fitness.
Life with two children allows us to embrace both the joys of family time and the possibility of adventurous experiences as the kids grow older. It provides a balance that feels right for us now. The yearning for another baby is more about the sentiment of what could be rather than a true desire to change our family dynamic. We are happy as we are, and I am confident in the love and joy our two boys bring to our lives.
Suburban Sprout 